Tar Vulcan
by Danzinora Switch
Summary: It was made with sticks and covered in pitch. I did the ears, of course, and then we had ourselves a right proud tar Vulcan. Perfect.


**A/N: Howdy, folks! Been a little nostalgic, lately, so I wrote this piece (spoiler?) based off of Brer Rabbit and the Tar Baby. I wanted to match the diction of the original tale too, so if some parts are a little hard to read then just pronounce is phonetically, or out loud. I didn't try to make it too bad, though... it could've been much worse. Enjoy! I do not own Star Trek nor the folk tale.**

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McCoy leaned back in the chair with his sweet tea, a thoughtful expression over his eyes. The cane leaned against the armrest, and two small children sat before him, eagerly waiting what he would have to say.

"I reckon yo' Momma told ya the old legend a'ready," he began slowing, drawing out the vowels. From the kitchen, Joanna blushed at him, and then swatted him with a dishrag. He grinned and continued, looking at her. "An' I also reckon she's told you that I told 'er."

"Momma tells us lots of stories," the little girl piped up. Her brother nodded. "Old stories, and not-so-old stories. We hear a lot."

"Good," McCoy took a long swig of his tea. He was technically retired and back home in Georgia. He stopped caring about uber-professionalism; he was getting back to his roots. That meant he had every right to drink all the sweet tea in the county and talk as lazily as he wanted. Southern was basically just slurred English- elongate the vowels for a couple syllables, and drop as many consonants as you could.

"Ya need to heah old stories, cuz ya migh' fin' tha' they'll do ya good, later'n'life." He tilted his head, and the children leaned forward. "Why, I r'm'ber when one ol' story 'bout saved Spock an' I."

Both scooted forward on the carpet, aware that they had not heard this particular story before.

"It was- oh, long 'fo' eitheh o'you were bawn. We were down fo' a suhvey mission- jus' the two of us fo' that one area. Well, sho'nuff trouble comes, an' we hattuh run out from the city into the dumps behin' it. We're dodgin' steam vents an' black, bubbly pitch the entiyah time- but we heah someone gettin' close.

"So we hunker down behin' some rubble an' watch one o' the officials- Gabit- run by, still tryna chase us. He passes, an' we know we can't follow the path, cuz then we'll run into 'im, and we can't go back, cuz that's the city.

"Spock's tryna figger out whatta do, usin' that blasted big brain of his, but then I got an idea for when Gabit would come back down the trail. See, that species, the, the, Burrs, that's it; they don' see well. An' they only had a limited understandin' of us. They knew Spock was quiet an' weird, an' I was, well, me. So I told Spock the plan.

"We gathered some sticks an' brush an' we mashed 'em togetheh with all that pitch lyin' 'roun'. I did the ears, and soon 'nuff we had a crude-shaped Vulcan. We lathehed on mo' of that tar till it was good 'n' covehed, an' then we pushed it out on the path an' waited.

" _Finally_ Gabit came back down the path, wondrin wheah we'd gon', an' then he kinda sees this Vulcan. Bein' with bad eyesigh' an' all, he 'mediat'ly thinks it's Spock.

"'Oi! Vulcan!' he says. 'You stay right theah!'

"Spock, cou's, says nothin', and neitheh does the tar Vulcan.

"'Wheah you been?' Gabit demands, strollin' up to the decoy. 'An' wheah's yo' friend been at, too?'

"Naturally, Sticky Twigs duh'nt talk.

"'I see,' Gabit sizes up ol' Sticky Twigs. 'Ya still don' say much, eh? Way-el, I got somethin' to say 'bout that- it's darn rude, is what it is! I nevah liked that! So yo' go'n'a answer me this time like a proper person!'

"I had to hide a snigger at that point, cuz I knew what was comin' next.

"Way-el, Gabit, sho'nuff, got mad 'nuff at the tar Vulcan that he went so far as to hit 'im. An' when he hit 'im his fist sank right nicely into that sticky tar an' promptly got stuck. He shrieked so loud some birds were scared- he di'nt know what alien magic this was.

"'Lemme go!' he hollahed. 'Lemme go you alien tourist!'

"I motion Spock to wait, an' sho'nuff, he gits so panicked he hits the tar a second time. An' jus' like the first, his hand sinks an' sticks in the tar.

"'Lemme go! Help!' he shrieks. He pulls an' struggles, an' even drags the tar Vulcan down a little on the path, but it isn't till he uses his feet to push off from the Sticky Twigs that he gits well an' truly stuck.

"So when our last pursuer is stuck, hands an' feet, in tar, that reopens the path to escape. Spock an' I move out from behin' the rubble, and we quickly start runnin' far from the Burrs."

"What about Gabit?" the little boy asked. "Didn't he get out?"

"Did you go back to help him, Pappy?" the girl pressed.

A smile ghosted across McCoy's face. "Way-el, now," he drawled. "Funny thaing- Spock asked me the same question. Nawh, that tar wouldn't hurt ain'body, an' his slower friends would find 'im soon 'nuff. But it made fo' a good ol' laff when Spock asked me."

"How so?" They leaned forward.

"Chilluns, this is why it's important to listen. Spock asked me if we should help poor Burr Gabit as we ran, an' I looked at 'im like he was nuts.

"'Are ya crazy?' I said. 'Don' you know how that story ends? In this circumstance, we're the fox!'"

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 **In Tar Baby, Brer Rabbit figures out how to trick Brer Fox into letting him go. Think about who we're rooting for. Thanks, guys! Reviews are appreciated!**


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